Flattening How-To Guide

Okay, since I didn't provide much explanation, here's a guide to help get you started with flattening grapefruits. I can't guarantee that you'll do it right, because it's quite subjective, but I can try to help you.

How to flatten a grapefruit!

1. Find a heavy object with a flat bottom.

The ideal object would be an anvil; however, I understand that anvils are inconvenient for most of you. So try using a heavy, flat-bottomed piece of furniture. Heavy shelves work very well for this purpose.

2. Drop the heavy object on the poor little grapefruit.

If done correctly, you will hear a juicy splash. When you lift up the heavy object again, you will find a flattened grapefruit.

Clean the heavy flattening object as soon as possible. Grapefruits are extremely acidic and may be harmful to some finishes.